Happy Tears

Sunday, October 11th I was getting ready to go into work. Billy had been laying in bed for two days unable to keep sips of water down. He was very nauseated and just wanted to sleep. He complained that he felt very warm even though his skin felt cool to the touch and clammy. Saturday, a headache had crept in and Tylenol or Motrin helped to keep it at bay. All he kept thinking was that he was dehydrated, and that's why his head was hurting. I was concerned about going into work because he didn't leave the bed much. However, he insisted that he didn't want to go to the hospital and that it would be fine for me to go to work. "I don’t want to go and sit in the ED for three hours. We need that sick day in case something happens with the kids in the next few weeks. Don't call off just because I don't feel good. I'll be fine." I had approximately one more sick occurrence left before I would be written up for missing too many days. Therefore, we were both hesitant to use it today and instead keep it for when on the the children weren't feeling well. After I was sick with COVID-19 in March, I had 3 days between then and now where I felt very tired, stressed, sick, and needed a day off. Unfortunately, we are only allotted 4 "sick" days in a 6 month period before we can be written up, so I was being very careful how I was using this last day. At 10:25am, I attempted to wake him up to let him know I was leaving for work. He just rolled over and ignored me. Not going to lie, I was a bit irritated. So I shook him again, he just grumbled "what?" and that's when I proclaimed loudly "Look, I'm leaving to go to work. There are three kids in this house that need your attention. If you are soooo sick then MAYBE you should go to the hospital. The world doesn't stop just because you have a man cold." Famous last words. I went to work annoyed and thinking about all of the times I was sick and I still did laundry, cleaned, did dishes, etc. Heck, when I had COVID-19 I was still putting towels away and picking up Lego pieces. Sure, I may have been blacking out and experienced difficulty breathing, but I still did it. Yet, when men get sick it's like they are dying and need to be hand fed grapes or something on a sterling silver platter. I was worried about him, irritated at him, and also just plain exhausted. Something wasn't right, but I wasn't sure what.

Shortly after I left the house, Billy got up to use the bathroom. His head began to hurt more and he became very dizzy. The room looked different. He looked around the bathroom but couldn't figure out how to get out. Where was the door? He became scared and frantic searching all around the bathroom, but the door to get out couldn't be found. “Where was Angela?” He knew I had said something to him about going to the hospital, and decided it was time to go. However, he couldn’t figure out how to get out of this imprisonment. Then, he heard a small voice. "Billy?" He knew that voice, it was Weston. "Billy? Are you ok?" "No buddy, I can't get out of the bathroom. Can you help me?" The little voice grew louder and he saw Weston standing there in his Spider-man costume. His super hero was here to save the day! "Here Billy, take my hand. I'll save you."  

An hour after I arrived at work, my Mother-In-Law called me "Victor is taking Billy to the hospital. Something in wrong with him. His memory is blanking out. He doesn't know where you are."

Our lives were changed that day. All of us. 

When Billy finally got out of the hospital, we decided to surprise Weston when I picked him up from his learning group. He didn't know that Billy was coming home or that he was waiting for him in the vehicle. As soon as Weston got into the car, he began to exclaim loudly "Billy's home! Billy's HOME!" He put his arms around Billy and didn't want to let him go. Every chance he got he would run up to him and hive him a big hug, then he would reach towards me so that we could have a group hug. That's when Weston's eyes began to well up and large tears began to flow down his face. He then buried his face back into Billy's sweatshirt and sobbed. "What's wrong little buddy? Why are you crying? Are you sad? I'm home now little one. You don't need to cry, I'm right here." Weston lifted his head slowly and looked straight at him. He took the sleeve of his sweater, wiped the tears off his face and said, "Billy, I'm not crying because I'm sad, these are happy tears." 



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

He's Home!

Image
 I couldn't believe how much stuff I brought to him while he was in the hospital. I used to chuckle to myself and wonder why on earth a person would need to bring a giant suit case to their family member as if strolling down the terminals of the LAX. Alas, here I was, attempting to stuff all of the things I had brought to my husband so that he would have some of the comforts of home back into this giant suitcase. Once again, I was completely and unapologetically that family member. Brand new down pillow, check, framed photograph, check, aromatherapy machine to drown out the smells of the hospital, check, a pair of underwear and socks to last him until the coming of Christ, check. Everything he could've ever needed, I happily strolled my little self down the hospital hallway to bring to my ailing husband. The thing I did not think about what how I was going to get all of this home. Now, here I was, breathlessly stuffing the entire back end of my SUV with all of the goodies I acc...
Read more

Going Back to Work

Image
I spend a lot of time educating my patients on how to take care of themselves, how to manage their new diagnosis, how to feed their newborn babies, etc. Nursing is all about education and teaching. It's one of the things I absolutely love about my profession. There is nothing more satisfying than sitting down with my patients and rooting them on with a newfound skill. The confidence and assurance in their faces knowing that they are thinking in their minds "yes, I can do this!" is something that certainly keeps me going in my career. I'm all about empowerment. You know what I didn't learn though? How to prepare a family member to go back to work. When is a good time? How do you teach someone to not feel guilty about going back to the workplace? When is too soon?  This, now, was something I was facing on my own. I was granted intermittent FMLA for at least six months. This will allow me to take Billy to and from his appointments and also to stay home if there isn...
Read more

2 Year Anniversary

Image
In the week leading up to our second anniversary, Billy had been expressing how sad he was that he couldn't do all of the things he had planned. He knows how much I enjoy being surprised. He had spent a considerable amount of time prior to his stroke working overtime so that he could provide an enjoyable anniversary. In addition to making plans to celebrate together, he always picks a piece of jewelry from my favorite jewelry store. He was looking through the photographs in his phone and came across a screenshot that he had taken just an hour before the onset of his stroke. He had forgotten that he had been shopping for my anniversary gift. I jokingly teased him, "My gosh! The gift must have been expensive, it made you stroke out!" He just smirked, but refused to give away his plans. He told me that he wanted to surprise me. However, now that he cannot drive, he was unsure if he would be able to pull anything off. I did not care, the greatest gift was that he was at home ...
Read more