He's Home!

 I couldn't believe how much stuff I brought to him while he was in the hospital. I used to chuckle to myself and wonder why on earth a person would need to bring a giant suit case to their family member as if strolling down the terminals of the LAX. Alas, here I was, attempting to stuff all of the things I had brought to my husband so that he would have some of the comforts of home back into this giant suitcase. Once again, I was completely and unapologetically that family member. Brand new down pillow, check, framed photograph, check, aromatherapy machine to drown out the smells of the hospital, check, a pair of underwear and socks to last him until the coming of Christ, check. Everything he could've ever needed, I happily strolled my little self down the hospital hallway to bring to my ailing husband. The thing I did not think about what how I was going to get all of this home. Now, here I was, breathlessly stuffing the entire back end of my SUV with all of the goodies I accumulated into his hospital room over the past week. However, here he was! He's coming home with me and our journey into our new normal is beginning. He became accustomed to the routine of hospital life; wake up, attempt to eat breakfast before staff/therapy/MD rounds, challenge his mind and body all day with therapy, get back to his room and visit with me until he falls asleep around 7-9pm. Simple tasks that initially were difficult at the beginning became old hat again. It didn't take all of his energy to brush his teeth anymore, and he started becoming familiar with walking the hallways and dealing with the distractions with more ease. The true test would be coming home though. He stood outside of the hospital and just stared at the vehicle. I was too distracted with figuring out how to get the balloons safely in the back door to hear what he had said to me at first. Then he said it again, "you want me to get in?" Of course I want you to get in silly! He just stared at the vehicle again, puzzled. "How?" I thought he was joking at first, but then quickly realized that he wasn't. He was looking at our vehicle as if it was the first time he's ever seen it. His nurse helped him open the door and get into it. I slid into the drivers seat and began to drive off. He still looked puzzled, and then defeated "I don't know how I'm going to do this, I couldn't even figure out how to get into the car. I feel wonderful leaving the hospital, but I want to go on a drive to see how my brain can handle it. It's just very strange, I can see how I'm probably never going to drive again. Sensory wise, it's quite a bit. I don't feel sick, but I can definitely see how I'll never drive again. I have no idea where I'm at. I don't recognize anything. I see the cars, I see the road, but nothing looks familiar." Billy basically grew up on OSU campus. He father was the dean of education; so he's been on campus many times throughout his father's career as well as his own career as a nurse at OSU. For Billy to not recognize OSU is astonishing to say the least. It must be very scary to be in his mind right now. 

When we pulled up to our house, he sat there for a minute before realizing the car had stopped. He looked around, "Are we here?" He didn't completely recognize our street which we've lived on for two years. I helped him into the house in hopes that he would recognize something inside. He stood in the living room looking all around as if this was the first time he had been in our living room. "I see a stairway, but I'm not sure where it goes to. Do you mind doing this with me, walking through the house?" He found our bedroom much quicker than anything else in the house and then promptly threw himself into the pile of pillows and fluffy down comforter. For the first time, I saw the biggest smile he's had on his face all day. I didn't see the confused Billy, I saw the Billy who knew he was home. "Everything is visually foreign, but it feels and smells exactly how I remember it. This is a very bizarre experience. My life was ripped away from me, but I'm going to have to steal it back."